Millions love watching soccer, but not everyone

There are hundreds of millions of rabid soccer fans in the world — as evidenced by the nearly non-stop television coverage of the FIFA World Cup centred in Canada, the [...]

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There are hundreds of millions of rabid soccer fans in the world — as evidenced by the nearly non-stop television coverage of the FIFA World Cup centred in Canada, the U.S. and Mexico — but I’m not one of them. Goodness knows I’ve tried. I’ve tuned in to games, hoping for some explosive offensive action and seeing instead what a non-fan like me would describe as a boring 90-minute exercise in watching strategic moves aimed at securing that one clean shot on goal that may or may not result in a score.

I know, I know. My ignorance is glaring. Soccer — or football, or futbal — is the most popular sport in the world.

The world craves it. Adores it. Lives for it.

The game is played in almost every country on the globe, most of which I’ve heard of. Some, such as Cape Verde, was not even remotely on my radar until the World Cup began and suddenly, Cape Verde was the biggest story of the World Cup. For a few days, anyway.

One night in late June, I tuned in to the latter portion of the Morocco-Netherlands game, the winner to advance to the round of 16 against Canada. The vast majority of the portion of the game I saw was played around the centre of the field, with a ratio of five or six back passes to every one that went forward. Suddenly, the play opened up.

My palms started to sweat as the Moroccans brought the ball came close to the Netherlands’ goal. My heart began to race as it appeared a shot on goal — an actual shot on goal! — was imminent.

The combination of racing heart and sweaty palms reached a climax as the Netherlands’ goaltender was — eureka !— beaten by a header in stoppage time. A goal! I saw a goal!

A 1-1 tie! Thirty minutes of overtime settled nothing — hundreds more back passes almost put me to sleep — so penalty kicks were needed. Now that was exciting.

Maybe soccer can just adopt a series of penalty kicks to determine winners rather than putting fans through the monotony of 90 minutes of back-passes around the centre zone. Soccer aficionados will properly lambaste me for my ignorance about what the world calls “the beautiful game.” I’m ready for it.

In this observer’s view, soccer is mostly boring, punctuated by occasional, but too few, moments of excitement, such as when a player get nicked on the leg by an opponent and writhes on the field as if felled by a high-powered rifle from the third row. — and then suddenly rises and resumes the back passes. Hundreds of millions of people can’t be wrong, however.

Millions fill stadiums around the world every week. Many are buying tickets at the World Cup they can’t really afford to get a once-in-a-lifetime live look at their beloved home country’s football heroes. And me?

Well, I’m obviously out of touch with the world. Back passes are strategic, I guess. Defence is wonderful.

It IS a beautiful game, I suppose. OUT OF BOUNDS From Baseball’s Greatest Moments, on X: “Gaylord Perry talks about how in 1964, SF Giants manager Alvin Dark said that there’d be a man on the moon before he hits a home run. On July 20, 1969, just a half an hour after Apollo 11 landed on the Moon, Perry hit his first home run.”

Comedy guy Torben Rolfsen of Vancouver: “John Tortorella was fired by Vegas after only a few months on the job. Reason? Underperformance.

Yeah, he only made it to Game 6 of the Stanley Cup final.” Daniel Winnik, a former Maple Leaf under coach Mike Babcock, who was recently hired by Edmonton Oilers: “He’s the only guy that has ever made me hate hockey. I just hated coming to the rink.

He’s just a bully.” Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: “Can U.S. win men’s World Cup? ‘No chance’ is wrong.

‘Unlikely’ is too obvious. Short answer? Yes.”

Another one from Cote, on U.S. Open champion Wyndham Clark: “The man with the name of a 19th Century English butler.” Another one from Rolfsen: “Ghana offers Ronaldo citizenship ahead of England match.” Headline at theonion.com: “Guy Who Goes To Bar Every Day At 10 a.m.. Must Be Huge Soccer Fan” Another theonion.com headline: “Salivating Brewers Fans Chase Down Mascots In Sausage Race” One more from the onion.com: “Washington Wizards Announce Founding Wizard Dead At 682” Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun: “ Keith Pelley assured us that everything about the new Leafs will now be data-driven.

So explain this one: What’s the data on spending $4.2 million a year on the 11-points Colton Sissons scored last season in Vegas?” Another one from Simmons, on the dilemma facing Anaheim Ducks over the offer sheet submitted by the Philadelphia Flyers for Ducks’ star Leo Carlsson: “They can’t afford to sign him and they can’t afford not to.” Care to comment?

Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca